Before, Now, and Next
Reposting this from my old blog for all my new subscribers! A bit about my journey as a whole, where I‘m at now, and where God is taking me next!
So many things to say, and for the most part, I feel I haven’t a clue as to how to say them (did that phrasing sound British?). Well, as usual, I’ll find the words as I go.
***If you would like to skip to the part where I say what’s coming up next for Matt, its marked near the bottom, but you’ll miss some good stuff!***
My World Race ended 150 days ago, about 5 months. In the same instance I can feel as though my plane landed yesterday and as though it was a life time ago. So distant, almost like it never happened at all. It was a life changing experience, but simply the fact that I took the leap and did something so radical was a big step for me. Every thing I had done before was what culture, my friends and colleagues, my parents, or my pastor would approve of as a sensible and smart decision: get good grades, join a club or two, try out a few sports, go to youth group every week and finish high school with a good GPA, go to college on a scholarship, join a campus ministry. Help out at church however I can.
Serve.
What’s that? You can play guitar? Join the church worship team too. You can keep a beat while hitting on a box? Play cajón whenever there isn’t a drummer.
Serve…
A girl likes you, but she’s got a few issues? I can fix all that………right?
Serve…….
For as long as I can remember, I felt like there was something….empty. I was so convinced that I was alone in this, and that if anyone figured out that I was different, I would lose everything. So here comes the mask. Matt is a nice guy. He’s helpful. He’s funny. He’s smart. But, above all else, he is useful.
As long as I am useful, then people will always want me around, and I would never be alone.
Serve……………..
Yes, I will learn the one instrument your worship team is missing. Yes, I will study a major that makes good money because that is what everyone expects. Yes, I will stick around and help out at a youth group long past being burnt out. Why? Because as long as people need me around, I will always have people around me. I wasn’t a mindless “yes man”, and I wasn’t opposed to alone time, but the idea off not being of use to someone was a suffocating concept. What purpose would I have otherwise? What love would I receive? Why would God himself take any time for me, if I wasn’t useful to Him?
All of this played in the background for years, making my decisions for me as I lived life as well as I knew how. Until…..
Until I knew God was calling me to do something crazy, something insane. Something that half the leadership and authority figures in my life would be against. Something that terrified my parents and brought my childhood pastor to chastise me.
God told me to go on the World Race.
I had just finished college. I had a shiny new 4 year degree in Electrical Engineering. But things don’t always work out the way you plan. I was very burnt out from school, and 6 months out from a rough breakup from a serious relationship that had lasted several years. There was so much I was still trying to figure out: about myself, about God, about life. It seemed like i had bee sent back to the drawing board of life to start from mental and spiritual scratch Everything that had once seemed stable was moving under my feet. It was in the midst of this that El Roi, “the God who sees me”, began calling me toward the race.
“So much uncertainty; but God, you are asking me jump headlong into more?”
But even when the foundation you built is shifting and every ephemeral grain of sand you put there with your own hands is falling away, He is good. He is good, and all that is left is whatever portion of you foundation that you allowed Him to truly speak into. What better place is there to start from?
“Ok God, I’ll do this, but You will have to take care everything. There is no way I can do this without You.”
Well, 8 months and $10,000 fundraised later, I was on a plane to Ukraine with 30 people I barely knew and no idea what God had in store for the next 11 months or how was gonna raise another $8,000 while on the go (spoiler alert, God took care of that too).
Well, it was life changing, eye opening, paradigm shifting. It was everything and nothing you’d expect of a missions trip. It was late nights of worship with guitars, voices, and hands drumming on whatever. It was long days clearing away bamboo with a dull machete, singing and dancing with kids in a Roma Gypsy ghetto, and teaching English to random people we passed out fliers to, all to slip the gospel in because it was illegal.
It was allowing God to tear away all the lies I had allowed to seep into my identity over the years so that He could replace them with truth. This can be painful, but you have to clean out a wound before it can truly heal. My identity is no longer rooted in how I can serve or how I can be useful. Jesus settled the matter of my value at the cross. From the very first month of my travels, my teammates began to speak this truth into my life, not even realizing how deep their words dug into the walls I had built over the years. They showed me love not because of what I could do, but for who I was. They opened the way for God to begin telling me how HE saw me.
During my time back here in the States, I have found more peace, more connection, more JOY in serving than I ever have before. Why is that? It is because I am serving, not out of a sense of duty, obligation, or deficiency of self, but because I enjoy it. I love worship with all of my heart. Every strum of guitar, beat of the cajon, and wavy pad shift the atmosphere, posturing people’s hearts to worship Jesus, to life up there voices in praise and receive all the goodness He has for them. In the past few months, I’ve seen more healings, more chains broken, and more lives changed than ever before in the presence of God. I’ve broken out in uncontrollable laughter along with whole worship team mid-set because the joy of Lord was so palpable in the room. I’ve never understood it better than now,
”The glory of God is man fully alive.” – Irenaeus of Lyons
To be fully alive is to live in freedom and understanding of who you are, who God has made you to be. It is to live in the process, not in shame of where you were but in awe of God’s goodness for not leaving you there. It is looking to the future in anticipation for where He is bringing you, but also accepting and being fully present in the place He has you now. He has you HERE for a reason. What is that reason? Why am I in a season such as this?
This is the journey.
[insert great segue here]
***WHAT IS MATT DOING NEXT?***
In the words of Solomon, “there is a time for everything under the sun”. My time on the world race came and went and I find myself in another season of transition.
Anonymous person asking a non-staged question:
“Hey Matt, what are you transitioning into?”
I am SO SO glad you asked! 🙂
A super typical question among my squad mates as the race was coming to an end,
“What are you doing after the race?”
For the entirety of my journey, I had a consistent answer, but to quote King Solomon once more, “There are many plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Toward the end of my time abroad, God began steering me toward something I had never considered. Gently at first, but as I warmed up to the idea, He began painting the picture with broader strokes.
To live fully alive in the knowledge of who I am and and who He is, this is what I aspire to. But this is not a journey that we are meant to take alone, and soooo…..
Starting in January, I will be part of a 5 month leadership training / internship in Gainesville, Georgia with Adventures in Missions, the organization responsible for the world race. This program is called the Center for Global Action, or CGA for short.
KNOW YOURSELF
LEAD YOURSELF
LEAD OTHERS
This is the focus behind the program. Knowing yourself, and thus being able to lead yourself. But the greatest joy of leadership is teaching others how to walk this path as well. This is the discipleship that Jesus talked about, the road to spiritual maturity that is capable of fostering the same in others. This is the training that CGA focuses on.
My time will be split between learning in a classroom setting and getting a local part-time Job to apply what I’m learning. A part of this program is fully unpacking everything that I walked through and learned on the race. It is also about how to apply all of this to life back here in the states, whether you are in a 9 to 5 job, in a full time ministry setting, or even in the mission field again if that’s where God calls you. CGA is also so much more. Here is a great video that talks a bit more about it below!
Adventures in Missions is a non-profit, so attending CGA means fundraising again. The idea of fundraising for a discipleship program kind of weirded me out at first. Why would people donate to it? It isn’t a missions trip like the race was, why would people want to invest in me like that? But, that is the enemy trying to poke and prod. Will I still be sharing the gospel while I’m in Georgia? You bet. Am I still going there with a mission, with Jesus in my heart leading the way, and changing lives through me? I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s part of the point, living with a missional mindset where ever God has you.
Would you prayerfully consider supporting me as God uses me in Georgia for this next season? I am currently about 33% funded. Would you be willing to invest in the next generation of leaders in the body of christ by supporting this program?
I would like to invite you to make my journey, your journey! Here are three simple ways:
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The most important, PRAY.
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Donate. (If you would like to donate, click the orange “Donate!” button in the top right-hand corner or reach out to me for more information!)
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Subscribe. (If you want to subscribe to my blog and stay up to date on what God is doing in my life, click the orange “Subscribe for Updates” in the left-hand corner.)
